Today, Tomorrow, and Forever
by Watashi wa Ame desu
Summary: " That's why you left me because you don't want me to know that our love won't last in this world. That's why you run without telling if you'll ever return. I doubted you, and I'm taking it back in memories of you." - Yuu Kanda I DO NOT OWN DGM. R & R!


Light from the outside streamed through the glass window, caressing the face of the bed's only sleeping occupant and groaned as he rolled to the opposite side where light won't reached. Few moments later, the alarm clock on the night stand that was beside the bed snoozed, doing its only task; to wake the sleepy head up. Groaning irritatedly, a pale, slender hand rose and out of the white covers and tapped around, searching for the annoying alarm clock. The hand finally found its way and shut the alarm off before going back under the blanket. Soon, light snores came out from the bed's occupant who went back to sleep.

Last night had been a long night for him and his lover as they joined their co- workers in celebrating the company's anniversary. Although he had high alcohol tolerance, he can not just have it his way, but then again who was he to decline his seniors' offer seeing it was a very special occassion? Even Kanda who can not handle too much alcohol drank. So, can he not? He had high alcohol tolerance, but...

The white haired young British man in his early twenties bolted up when he remembered he had an important appointment today that he should not miss. Glancing at his clock on the bed side table, it read 8: 28 a.m. His appointment was at nine sharp, so with all haste he scurried out his bed to the bathroom to take a quick bath and came out of his room in fresh white sweater top with dark blue, almost black jacket and jeans. He hurried downstairs to the kitchen and made himself a sandwich. He bit the sandwich, leaving it dangling between his teeth as he grabbed his black sling bag, walked out of the house and locked it, and hailed a taxi. He pulled the door open and sat on the back sit. Chewing his sandwich, he gave the taxi driver a small card and said, "Take me there, please. I have an appointment with Doctor Lee at nine sharp."

The driver took the card. He read the address and drove, commenting, "You're a tad bit late, sir."

"Yeah. Had a long and tiring night and wounded up waking up late." the taxi's passenger grumbled as he stuffed the last bite of his sandwich in his mouth with a scowl, making the driver chuckle.

Thumb fumbled over the phone's keypad anxiously as the man of Japanese origin with long dark hair tied up in a ponytail narrowed his eyes at the screen. He kept on dialling the number again and again for a good almost one hour, but could not reached the reciever until he had enough and threw the phone back in his pocket. He adjusted his white shirt as he stood, pushing the wooden chair that rattled. He walked out of the dining area to his room and donned a clean dark green hoodie before heading off.

He decided to visit someone dear.

The place was not that far as he arrived at someone's house after 20 minutes of walking. He stood just outside, pressing the door bell twice and stopped when he noticed the door was locked. So, he decided to wait for the owner to come home and sat on the door step, staring ahead and watching the vehicles passed by him with a bored look. Just then, a taxi stopped in front of the house and came out a mop of white hair that was familiar to the man waiting by the door step. Said man rose from the ground, straightening up, as he watched the new comer walked closer to him with his head down. He can tell just by the look of it that something was wrong, and so he asked, "Are you okay?" which startled the British.

The younger one looked at the older one, shocked to see him there. He said, "Kanda... Wha- what are you doing here?"

"I've been calling you all this time, but couldn't reached you, so I decided to pay you a visit, but then again you're out and chose to wait for your return." Kanda deadpanned. He really looked irritated at the behavior of the guy he was talking to.

The white haired man glanced side ways, rubbing the back of his neck and said, "I'm so sorry. I left my phone since I forgot to recharge it." he looked back at Kanda, smiling sheepishly and earned a sigh from the man.

"Next time be sure to have it fully charge and bring it with you all the time. What if something happens? You don't know how worried I am, Allen."

"Sorry..."

"Right. Just don't do it again, okay?"

Allen nodded and smiled warmly when Kanda wrapped an arm around him. "Let's get inside. It's getting cold."

Kanda was aware that Allen was sweet, and the fact that the British had been so clingy whenever he was near him did not surprised him all. He thought it was just natural for his younger lover to be that clingy and so sweet and caring. Allen even spent almost every night sleeping with Kanda and kissing him ever so often which the latter enjoyed much until one day, all of a sudden, Allen started to be cold at him. Whenever Kanda called to ask how he was, Allen just answered simply, ending the conversation without even asking the Japanese if how his day was.

Allen was not as sweet and caring as before. He started ignoring Kanda's existence to the point he had hurt him so much the he drank to forget the pain in his heart.

For the umpteenth time, Kanda went back home from work late at night drunk. He always saw Allen in their working place, acting like they were simply co- workers and nothing more and nothing less which really irked him so much he could die. Since then he started to drown himself in alcohol. It was too painful. He was so confused why Allen...their relationship turned out like that. It was so perfect before, so why now? Did he do something that offended the British? He thought of all the things he had done, but found nothing to make Allen like what he was now to him. So, one night after work he chased after Allen outside the building to a dark alley where he cornered the young man. He could feel Allen squirmed, trying to break free from the strong grip around his wrists.

"K-Kanda! Let me go! It-it hurts!" Allen struggled more. The smell of alcohol stung his nose.

"Shut up, moyashi!" Kanda snarled in Allen's face effectively stopped the younger one to struggle again. Now that Allen was looking straight into his eye, he regretted what he had done. He did not want to hurt him, much less scare him as he saw the tears welled up in his eyes. "I... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you." said the Japanese, loosening his grip; his head was down, hiding his eyes under the shadow of his bangs.

Allen's lips quivered. He, too, did not want to hurt Kanda that way, but... _It's the only way to save his heart._ He thought and mumbled a soft sorry.

He did not seem to heard it, though. So, Kanda looked up and saw Allen looked down, tears finally flowed freely like an open faucet. He was shocked to see him in a heart wrenching state. What happened to him? Why was he crying like there is no more tomorrow? Wanting to find the answers to his cry, Kanda inched closer; his right hand caressed the other's scarred cheek and kissed him tenderly to eased whatever pain was causing the white haired to cry like that.

Feeling Allen relaxed in his arms, he pulled back and gave time for Allen to catched his breath before asking, "Allen... Why? What's wrong? Tell me. Please, Allen..." He thought his words were enough to tell his dear one that everything will be alright once he told him the reasons for his actions, but was wrong when Allen burst into tears yet again.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry, Kanda! I'm sorry!"

_Sorry? Why is he apologizing now?_

Before Kanda could ask for more, Allen had already pushed him away and run off, leaving Kanda who could do nothing but stare at his retreating back worried and confused.

Allen run as far away as he could from Kanda: his tears streaming behind. He kept on rubbing the tears away with his sleeve to clear his view and bumped onto someone.

"I-I'm so sorry..." stuttered the young man without looking at whoever he bumped into as he held his head down. He was about to take a step when a hand grabbed him his left arm and pulled him back.

"Allen!"

He paused. He knew that voice and looked up to see who called him. Despite his blurry view he can tell that it was someone he knew.

"Le-Lenalee..."

"Allen...why are you crying? What happened?" asked the girl, Lenalee, but recieved no answer from the sobbing British. She smiled sadly at him. She knew what Allen was going through. "... I understand. Let's get you home, okay?"

Allen just nodded and let his friend lead the way to his house.

The next day, Allen Walker did not go to work and Yuu Kanda had a mixed emotions. He did not know whether to be worried, anxious, or mad, but whatever it is he could not stand the pain it caused him. He tried calling him multiple times, but no one picked the phone. It just kept on ringing. Finding it useless, he made up his mind to go and visit the younger after work.

Kanda did went to Allen's house right after work and was pissed to find it locked.

Allen was not home.

"Where the hell was he at this time!? Darn it!" he cursed.

The Japanese waited the whole night for the British to show up who never came. Since then, he hadn't seen the white haired British though he still kept on calling and visiting him, even going to their favourite places. It was like Allen Walker just vanished like a bubble. One second it was there and disappeared the next second.

Little did he know, the night when they last met was also the night when Allen had a coughing fit and Lenalee rushed him to the nearest hospital.

How many days had it been since then?

Kanda did not know anymore how long he had been looking for Allen. He thought he was being stupid; chasing after someone who left him behind without telling why, much less a good bye.

Nothing...

And so, he made up his mind.

Yuu Kanda stopped hoping to see the one who broke his heart. He no longer felt love towards the young man.

All he could feel was pain and rage in his heart. He will show Allen how much he loathed him for disappearing in his life without telling the reason why.

"Maybe he found someone else, thinking he's better than me and elopped..." Kanda said his thoughts out as he walked down the snow covered pavement. His pace faltered to a stop and looked up at the gray sky, watching the snowflakes fell from the heavens and dropped on the dirt. Some of it fell on his cheek; its coldness pierced through the skin.

_How long has it been since I feel this cold?_

Kanda closed his eyes, letting the cold freeze his heart since he no longer needed it. He inhaled the cool air and huffed. Satisfied, he tilted his head back down and opened his cobalt eyes, widening at the very promising sight he saw.

Just when he decided to forget the person he loved and froze his heart, in one second the ice that covered his heart shattered and let his heart beat again as he saw the one and only Allen Walker in crisp brown jacket together with Lenalee in pink.

Allen was shocked to see the Japanese again. His pale lips trembled that Lenalee did not fail to noticed as she held the male close to her, worried at his friend.

"Let's go Lenalee." said Allen in a cold tone, sending shivers to Kanda who stood frozen, and brushed pass him.

Allen ignored Kanda as he pulled Lenalee with him.

Kanda held his head down, shadows covering his eyes as he smiled bitterly, mumbling, "So, you chose a woman over me in the end..."

For the second time, Kanda's heart broke and shattered into pieces in the worst possible way.

_I really hate you... You're the WORST!_

Half year passed since that incident and Kanda still could not move on at what had happened that day. He thought he will be fine as long as he turned his heart cold, but no. He could not stop thinking about Allen Walker. No, he did not love him. He hated him so much.

Kanda was walking back home one late night from over time. He had all the document done for the meeting on the day after tomorrow before going home, seeing he had nothing else to do at home.

Nothing since Allen left him.

Kanda made it back to his house. He fished the key out of his wallet and unlocked the door to his house when someone called him.

"Kanda."

It was Lenalee.

The Japanese turned around to face the crying Lenalee. He was surprised to see her at the middle of the night in front of his house and what was more, Lenalee was crying like someone had just died.

"What are you doing here crying like? Aren't you supposed to be with _that_ twerp?"

"... Ye-yes. That-that's why I-I'm here..." she replied between her sobs, struggling to force her tears at bay and failed miserably.

"So, what happened? Are you here because he dumped you like what he did to me?" asked the dark haired man coldly.

"That's not it! We aren't even going out and my brother would kill him on the spot!" Lenalee yelled back to defend his friend who was like a little brother to her.

"Oh?" Kanda raised a brow, smiling smugly. "Then what is it?"

"... Allen... He- he told me not to t-tell you th-this, but... He... He..."

"What?" asked Kanda impatiently.

"... He's... He's an illness and m- my brother said he wo- won't last any longer if-if we couldn't find any d-donor. *hic* Allen s-said that *hic* if y- you stop lo-loving him *hic* and started t- to hate him... I-it *hic* will be e-easy to...for you t-to move *hic* move on and l- love someone e-else. *hic*"

It took a few seconds before Kanda realized what Allen did was for.

Allen knew that Kanda loved him so much and would follow him wherever he was. He thought that if he were to die Kanda would follow after him, so he did something to make Kanda hate him. He wanted Kanda to hate him with all his being, so when he died Kanda won't be hurt as much as he thought would be.

Allen wanted Kanda to hate him, so he can move on easily once he was gone in this world.

_Allen..._

Kanda clenched his fists, tightening the grip on his suit case, and said, "Take me to where Allen is, Lenalee."

_I'm sorry... I..._

Lenalee wiped her tears away and nodded defiantly as she masked herself.

_... I don't understand anything..._

They hailed a taxi and rode in.

_I shouldn't have doubted you..._

The ride all the way to the hospital where Allen was admitted to was tense. The two at the back seat kept silent as Lenalee kept on crying. She did not care anymore if Allen would be mad at her for what she told Kanda. It did not matter to her because she hated to see her friend bed ridden and alone. She knew he was afraid to be alone and needed Kanda, but decided that it would be better if Kanda knew nothing about his condition. She granted him his wish, but... She could not take anymore and told Kanda.

Yuu Kanda in the other hand was so anxious. He clenched his fists until his knuckles turned white. His once cold heart became warm the instant he learned the truth behind Allen's previous actions. _That idiot sprout... He could have at least tried talking to me about this instead keeping it to himself. He really has a martyr complex._

Finally, the taxi pulled to a stop. Kanda paid for them two and told the driver to keep the change before he rushed out and to the white building with Lenalee in tow.

Though visiting hours had ended a long time ago, Lenalee asked a special permission to Doctor Komui Lee, her brother and owner of the hospital, to let Kanda stay in for the night.

Doctor Lee, who was behind his desk in his messy office, offered a smile to his little sister, saying, "Who am I to not grant you your plea?"

Lenalee smiled at her brother, greatful, and walked out of the office.

Kanda leaned on the wall impatiently when the door across him opened and out Lenalee. He immediately pushed himself off the wall. "So?" asked the Japanese.

"Brother said it's fine. Just don't disturb the patient."

Kanda found himself sitting on a chair beside the bed where Allen was sleeping. He watched the pale young man with oxygen tube on his nose, an IV, and a heart monitor beside him. His hands clapsed the other's left hand as he remembered what Lenalee told him.

_"Allen's lungs has been failing him eight months ago. Kanda, if we couldn't find any suitable donor that matches him, he will..."_

He shut his eyes closed. No, he should not think negative things. Allen won't die.

Not now he was there to support him.

_I'm sorry Allen...for not understanding anything. I shouldn't have doubted you...your love to me... I love you, Allen. Please get better soon. I promise not to leave you alone and will chase you no matter how many times you push me away. I'll always be with you, Allen._

Morning came too soon for Kanda's liking as he groaned. He was sleeping on the chair with his head resting on his arms that were on the bed. He pushed himself up whilst rubbing the sleep away and stretched his stiff arms and back with a yawn before glancing at the still sleeping patient.

He did not know when he fell asleep.

It seemed like everything that had happened last night and everything since eight months ago was just a dream until he took in the sight of Allen on the bed. He grimaced, hating to see his dear one to be in so much pain than he had gone through, than the pain Allen inflicted on him.

Kanda reached for Allen's pale cheek and brushed the white locks that had grown to a shoulder length off his face. He smiled lightly to himself as he watched Allen in a deep slumber, looking so peaceful.

Checking the time on his wrist watch; 7: 18 a.m., he stood, rattling the chair in the process and strolled to the bathroom to fix his disheveled self.

When done, he opened the door and stepped out, rubbing his face with white towel he found on the drying rack that was inside and sat back to his chair and waited for Allen to come around so they could talk things over.

The two had started going out two years ago, so Kanda wondered why Allen did not mention anything about his illness. The British was also good in masking his face with an unreadable emotion, which made it hard for the Japanese to tell how he was feeling, though sometimes he caught him off guard, but never pushed the things.

The creaking sound of the door being opened had Kanda pulled back to his senses and looked up to see Lenalee smiling at him with a tray of breakfast.

"Figures." said the Chinese as she stepped in and closed the door as silently as she could behind her and walked inside.

Lenalee place the tray with a bowl of soba and tea on the bed side table, saying, "I knew Allen is still sleeping, so I thought to bring you simething to fill your empty stomach."

Kanda glanced at Allen, a small, almost unnoticeable smile adorned his face. "Hn. Thank you."

Kanda took the food Lenalee brought for him and ate while Lenalee sat at the edge of the bed opposite of Kanda and stroke Allen's hair forlornly.

"Allen... He really loves you he's willing to sacrifice his own happiness just for you. He doesn't care if you come to hate him, thinking it's for your own good."

"Yeah. That's why he's a total idiot beansprout with a martyr complex." Kanda grunted which made Lenalee giggled.

"But, you know he's right though. It's easy to forget someone you don't love and move on with your life."

"Maybe you're right, but I loved him before I hated him. And, it's hard to forget even though you hate the person because at some point of your life you loved him once. So, it's so stupid."

"You're right."

It was half passed three when Allen first opened his eyes and was shocked to met Kanda's cobalt ones staring lovingly at him.

"How are you feeling?" asked the older of the two whilst stroking the white locks gently.

"K-Kanda?" Allen choked, not believing what he was seeing. "Why-why are here?"

Kanda noticed the younger hyperventilate, so he leaned and kissed him on his forehead, whispering soothing words into his ears.

"It's okay, Allen. Calm down now."

"Kan... Kanda..." Allen sobbed into Kanda's chest.

The Japanese pulled the British in a sitting position and he, too, sat on the bed and let his lover cry in his arms until he quieted down. He then gently pushed Allen and wiped the tears.

"Allen, Lenalee told me everything."

Allen froze. He forgot that Kanda must not know about him then he asked, "She did...?"

"Yeah. And before you pushed me out listen first midget."

"Hey!" Allen scowled. Kanda found it cute and chuckled lightly. "Stop laughing."

"Right. Sorry. Now, listen here Allen." he wiped his smile and looked at the silver eyed young man as he put his hands on Allen's shoulders sternly, making Allen to looked at him in the eyes. "I don't care about that damn illness of yours. I'll never leave your side ever again. I knew what you did and I admit I was hurt and came to hate you, and if you think I will be able to find someone else and forget you, your WRONG. I loved you first before I hated you and it hurts like hell to hate someone I truly love. So, stop this idiocy and let me be by your side just like before."

Silence engulfed the two of them.

Allen could not believe his words. Kanda... The one he loved with all his life...loved him. He really loved him and was guilty of doing those things to him. His head fell and leaned on Kanda, mumbling soft sorry's and sobbed.

"Hey, you just stopped crying not long ago. Calm down, it's bad for you."

"... Sorry... But, Kanda what if..."

"Shh..." Kanda embraced him, held him in his arms protectively. "Don't say it. You'll live. Let's fight it together. You know it's better than one."

"Yeah... Thank you... I love you, Kanda."

"I know. I love you a million times. I love you today, tomorrow, and forever. Remember that."

Allen smiled in his lover's chest. His first smile since then.

"Yes... Me too."

**That's it. I leave the story like that cuz I don't want to kill Allen. I don't feel like killing him in here, and he died in my last story, so...**

**Thank you for gracing me your time. Please review and let me know how the story was.**

**By the way, this is supposed to be AllenxLenalee, but I switched to YuuxAllen because... I don't have a reason really. Someone just whispered in my ears to have this pairing in the story.**

**Once again, thank you and please review. It's makes me happy.**

**CBA**

**: )**


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